There’s a mantra I come back to when things get particularly intense in hospitality: It's only dinner. We aren't saving lives.
It might sound a bit flippant to those of us who care deeply about what we do. But I think there's something quite powerful in it.
Hospitality can be an emotionally demanding business. We spend our working lives looking after other people, managing expectations, anticipating needs, solving problems and trying to make sure everyone has a good time. And we do all of this at incredible pace, with a hundred different things happening at once.
It's not just physical work. It's emotional work, too.
Hospitality is emotional labour
There's a term for this: emotional labour. It's the work involved in managing our own emotions while responding to the emotions of others. And in hospitality, we do a lot of it.
Think about what we're asking our teams to do every day. We're asking them to welcome guests who might have had a stressful journey, a difficult day at work or an argument before they even walk through the door. We're asking them to be warm, friendly and accommodating, regardless of how they're feeling themselves.
We're asking them to handle complaints without becoming defensive, manage disappointment without taking it personally and remain calm and professional when someone else is anything but. And it's not just about looking after guests. There's emotional labour involved in leading teams, too. Keeping people motivated, managing tensions and trying to maintain a sense of calm when the pressure is on.
It's a lot of emotional responsibility.
When we care too much
A receptionist once told me how emotionally involved she could become when dealing with customers who wanted a table but the restaurant was already full.
She described how bad she felt turning someone away. If a guest was desperate to get in, particularly if they were disappointed or upset, she could feel as though she was letting them down. As though somehow she had personally failed because she couldn't fulfil their request.
I found this interesting because, on the surface, it's a relatively straightforward situation. The restaurant is full. There are no tables available. The answer is no. But emotionally, it becomes something much bigger.
It's only dinner. We aren't saving lives.
This is where I think a little perspective can make an enormous difference.
Of course, what we do matters. We should care about our guests, our teams and the experience we create. But we also need to recognise the difference between something being important and something being a crisis.It's about caring without carrying everything.
