Noma vs Nice - Finding the Balance

The hospitality industry has been reflecting this month after the stories emerging from Noma, shared in a recent investigation by The New York Times. Accounts from former chefs described a toxic, intimidating kitchen culture, something that, for a long time in hospitality, was normalised and even glorified.

For many leaders working today, that style of leadership wasn’t theoretical. They experienced some version of it early in their careers. And it taught them how they never wanted to lead when their turn came. But there’s an unintended consequence to this, as in rejecting the harsh leadership of the past, many managers swing too far the other way. Determined to be different, they become overly nice. When ‘nice’ goes too far, conversations are avoided, feedback is diluted, and standards slip in the name of protecting morale and preserving relationships.

Without honest conversations, people don’t really know how they are doing. They plateau because no one has told them what “great” looks like. Lack of feedback means high performers grow resentful as they carry more than their share. There’s less growth and no one knowing quite where they are.

My top tip if you want to preserve warmth and still lead well, aim for kind, not nice.  This shift has helped so many of the leaders I have worked with. It's not about being the opposite of nice (… mean); it's finding a more skilful way to channel your empathy. 

Kindness respects people enough to tell them the truth. It cares for their growth. It says, “This isn’t good enough yet, and here’s how to do better” or “You’re not ready for that role, and here’s what would make you ready.” Or, “This behaviour is affecting the team, and we need to address it.”

Kind is nice’s grown-up self.