10 ways to shift your mood when your emotions are getting the better of you
Hospitality people are people people. We're naturally attuned to how others are feeling. You can't read a table, anticipate what a guest needs or lead a team well without paying attention to the emotions around you.
But there's a flip side. When you're constantly looking after everyone else, it's easy to take on their emotions as your own. And when you're working in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment, it's not always easy to switch off.
There's another factor worth recognising. There appears to be high rates of neurodiversity in our industry than in the average population. Research suggests that 58% of people working in hospitality identify as neurodivergent*, compared with an estimated 15–20% of the wider UK adult population.
For some people, this can bring particular challenges around emotional regulation, sensory overload or sensitivity to perceived rejection. Of course, everyone's experience is different, but it's another reason why understanding our emotions and how to manage them matters.
So what can you do when you find yourself stuck in a mood, going over something in your head or allowing your emotions to dictate how you feel about the day?
Here are ten ways to shift your state and regain some perspective.
1. MOVE
If you're stuck ruminating on something, get moving. Go for a walk, get outside or do some exercise. Changing your physical state can help change your emotional state. Where the body goes, the mind follows.
2. GET PERSPECTIVE
Ask yourself how important this will be in five years' time. It's easy to get caught up in the immediate problem and lose sight of the bigger picture.
3. NOTICE WHAT IS WORKING
If you are stuck on difficult thoughts ask yourself: what is going well? If you are struggling with a relationship name what do you appreciate about that person. Frustrated with your job? Write down what do you enjoy about it.
This isn't about Pollyanna-style pretending everything is wonderful. It's about seeing the whole picture, not just the difficult bits and doing this gets us in a better position to confront the challenges.
4. BE INTENTIONAL
Don't just let your mood happen to you. Start the day by thinking about how you want to feel, or how you want to show up. Choose a word, write it down and use it as an anchor. It won't prevent every bump in the road, but it can help set you on the right track.
5. CREATE BUFFERS
Build little breathing spaces into your day. Leave five minutes between meetings, create a pause between service and close-down, or take five minutes outside after a difficult conversation. Give yourself time to process what's just happened before moving on to the next thing.
6. NAME IT
Simply naming an emotion can help take some of its power away. Instead of saying "I'm angry", try "I'm feeling angry". It creates a little distance between you and the emotion. You aren't your feelings; you're experiencing them.
7. VISUALISE
Imagine your feelings as clouds moving across the sky. Some are dark, some are heavy, but they all move on eventually. When you're up above the clouds on a plane, you can see that the blue sky is still there. Your emotions are temporary, even when they don't feel that way.
8. DISTRACT YOURSELF
Sometimes the best thing you can do is stop thinking about the thing that's bothering you. Lose yourself in something you enjoy. Read, exercise, listen to music or do something completely unrelated. Taking a break can help you return with a clearer head.
9. BEWARE OF VENTING
Talking things through can be really helpful, but repeatedly going over the same frustrations can keep you stuck in negativity. Give yourself permission to let off steam, but know when it's time to draw a line and move towards something more constructive.
10. TAKE ACTION
Ask yourself: what can I actually do about the thing that's eating away at me? Having a sense of agency matters. Action helps us move forward, but make it considered action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Give yourself time to work through the emotion first, then decide what needs to happen next.
* cited by the Licensed Trade Charity ** cited by ACAS
